EYES DON'T HAVE IT

Nothing says "I'm eating shit" like a big-screen actor who takes a TV series in the sundown of his or her career. James Woods is only the latest to suffer the indignity of the small-screen paycheck, in a likely-to-be-cancelled-in-six-weeks abomination called Shark for CBS. Now, I have nothing against James Woods. In fact, no one plays creeps like he does -- Casino immediately jumps into my head.

But the poor guy. Not only does he have to take a gig in a show called Shark, but the CBS suits made him pose in that I'm-a-sly-SOB-because-my-sunglasses-are -halfway-down-my-nose-and-you-can-see-my-eyes way. Let's not even discuss how embarrassed Jimmy looks in the shot. When I see it, he's saying to me: "Hey, it's a living. What the fuck?"

I'm just so completely over the sunglasses down the nose thing. What does it actually mean, anyway? Can we just say, okay, it's a cliche, we're done with it. But I guess the suits are still wallowing in some kind of '70s aviator shades nostalgia, when it may have have a cool look for about five minutes. And you know it, and I know it: The only guy who could pull off this pose is dead. Played guitar for the Grateful Dead, kind of thick around the middle. Missing half a finger, didn't take real good care of himself... So let's give it a rest. And good luck with Shark, Jimbo. Loved ya in Entourage. Can't wait for your reality series.